Highs

Y'know, it's amazing, but the other day, the shit really hit the fan. And hard. I had a mega project due for class that I hadn't even started yet, and another mega-project due for work. So what's the stunning thing here? Well, when the burners turned on, and the pressure mounted, I found myself performing...and really performing, you know. I felt good, despite all the anxiety, and coasted through the whole pressure on sheer adrenaline alone.

Well, it's not really that amazing. I'm sure this has happened to virtually everybody at one time or another in their lives. Basically, you're thrust into an unfamiliar situation, way out of your comfort zone, and you find that the bad things in your personality suddenly disappear, whisked away in a magic trick. You're motivated, you rise to the challenge, you let go and find the beat. You feel good about yourself. And most importantly, you suddenly find yourself with tonnes of faith in Allah. Maybe you even wonder how you could ever have doubted Him.

Sounds familiar? Deja vu? Ring any bells, dear reader?

I've been thinking a bit about such fairy-tale transformations. Especially the part about the renewed faith in Allah. That's happened to me a lot, you know. The first time I was coming to America to start a job, I was really scared. In the days that led up to my flight to the US, fear of the unknown used to haunt me at night, singing terrifying lullabies that made me cringe in my sheets. The day before the flight, I was so anxious about what the future held that my mind felt it had shut down from sheer stress alone. And suddenly, when I stepped into the plane, it all drained away. All the fear. All the anxiety. What was left was still calm - the kind you find on a country-side lake - and an overjoyed faith in Allah that everything would turn out to be okay. And for the next week or so, whenever I thought about Allah, I could literally feel all the tension sitting on my shoulders ease off and slip away.

But it was only for the next week or so. It was short-lived. It was adrenaline-driven...or whatever hormones drive such extreme emotions. After that, when things settled down, my usual worries came back. With a bang. POW!

The same goes for the intial stages of love, doesn't it? When you're head-over-heels about the other person, and all you can think about is when you'll see them next. That stage of puppy-love is the ultimate high, I think. But it wears away. It always does. (Just for the record, I firmly believe that this emotion is not love, but just a fascination with the other person. Infatuation, if you will. Love comes much later if it comes at all...long after the high has gone through a few lows).

Almost anybody can rise above themselves when thrust into a sudden challenge. It's in human nature. Why do you think war brings people closer? Why do you think people of a common cause unite and forget their differences when faced with a common tormenter? What of the man who lifted a whole fricking car by himself and rent it asunder to rescue his child? What of Hindus and Muslims, who became closer than brothers despite their differences when they rose to fight the British? I could go on and on with examples all night long, but I won't, because you and I have both heard them so many times before.

I guess my overall point is that these transient stages are always the most misleading. They can make you a better person, a better believer in Allah. They can unite hearts and minds. They can make you feel good about yourself. They can feel like a drug eddying in your bloodstream. But at the end of the day, it's all ephemeral. It doesn't last. No sir, the real test of love, faith, everything is when you fall back into a state of equilibrium. When all the foam has settled back down. Because that's when your demons start coming back out and making themselves at home once again.

I think it's how we react at that point that really determines what we're made of. Because that's when you can't go with the flow of your emotions any more. You have to hit the brakes and swim upstream. You have to zip out your saber and keep your demons at bay. And that's hard. Isn't it? Most of the time, I don't even know they're there, even while they snicker at me with rotting, crooked teeth.

So I guess my point is that the initial "ascension" that may occur when you're thurst out of your comfort zone - whether it be due to love, war, meeting new people, finding a job or anything else in the world - is never real. Before you know it, it'll slip away like the silken veil it is.

And that's when a whole new trial will begin.